I have the monster of alcoholism on my shoulder. She is quiet now but she can wake up at any time.
I belong to a group of people on a social media website. Some members have been sober for years, others are struggling with day 1. I noticed a common pattern that made me think. Many individuals ask help through the forum. They share that they are ready to give up the fight so they need encouragement. However, when they receive support, they suddenly reject it. Self-pity and self-centered thinking take over. Then they basically start blaming the people who tried to help. Thank God, most of them have empathy and experience to understand the ones who are having a hard time.
Of course, the whole situation is very familiar to me. I blamed myself and then blamed others all the time while I was drinking. That monster of addiction did everything to pull me down. She was successful. Conflicting behaviors and feelings ruled my life. I didn’t notice them. I was not capable of seeing how this monster changed me. When other people pointed out to it, I didn’t believe them. Reading comments that could have come from me is scary, interesting, and sad at the same time. What a prison….
I am wondering if the monster is a spawn of our ego. There are a lot of people who don’t drink because they have issues with the ego. Addiction shows selfish traits, but low self-esteem, abuse, family history, and mental illnesses can play important roles as well. Does the problem eventually connect to the ego no matter what???