Troubled friends

I found friends in rehab. They are awesome persons who -obviously- have similar problems to mine. I am still connected to them even if we cannot meet in person because they live a bit far away. My rehab roommate called me today. She felt lost and told me her story. She started meeting with the others several weeks ago. Everything was fine; however, there were warning signs especially regarding drinking. Well, all four of them are now drinking again. I was surprise when I heard this but of course I don’t judge them at all. Today my friend admitted that she took in one of our male friends. He is very troubled and he has several types of mental illness, such as schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder. He takes medications but they don’t help because he drinks on them. Anyhow, they fell in love…kind of. She mostly feels sorry for him. He basically has no place to go. The rehab center doesn’t take him in anymore (I am not sure about the reason) and he refuses to go to the psych ward. These are “small” problems compared to what my friend eventually told me once she felt that I would always understand her. The do have fun. Sometimes. Sometimes he is OK but then all of a sudden he gets very sad…and then mean. I had a bad feeling so I asked if he ever hit her. The answer was yes. She said it was just (!!!) a slap, so no big deal. Now I am a person who doesn’t think that if a guy wants to hug me without me knowing him is sexual assault (sorry, I grew up in a culture in which this was not a reason for reporting them). But hitting? Whoa, that is a whole different case. Besides, it did not happen only once (not that it matters, one is more that enough). She has no idea what to do. It seems that she really doesn’t think that slapping is an issue.

The whole thing makes me sad. Of course I cannot solve the problem, it is not my task. I can only listen but I am really worried about her…and about the others as well.

17 thoughts on “Troubled friends

    1. Except it won’t get better. Ever. Remember, they’re all drunk again. The chances of “luck” fixing this… well, who would want to rely on that but a drunk? I quit relying on luck in matters of drinking about 2 weeks after I quit drinking.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. The abuse is a result of the symptoms, you can’t fix the result without cleaning up the symptoms, you can’t clean up the symptoms while the disease runs rampant. I know what you’re getting at, I really do, but we mere mortals have to leave that for the professionals.

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  1. I know what this is, and sad it ain’t. It is “predictable”, if anything. Stay far away from this drama. I mean cut off contact entirely other than one last phone call to your friend in which you say the following, “Listen, you cannot fix this guy. Entire rehab centers and mental institutions can’t help this guy because he lacks the ability to be honest. RUN. NOW. You won’t be hearing from me again because my sobriety is too important and I’m not strong enough to help you further.” Then hang up and you’re out. Period, end of story.

    Newbies don’t hang with Newbies because noobs tend to relapse together when they do. They must be very careful here.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I know that you are right in many aspects. But I am not a runner. Drama does not affect me but I do want to offer support even if it’s a phone call. The guy has a lot more problem than drinking that can explain the abuse and the drinking. Obviously this cannot ever justify what he does. What is interesting that after hearing the story I just got more disgusted regarding drinking.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. All I’m asking is please be careful. There is a very simple explanation and reason as to why those four are drinking again. That same exact thing happens quite often with noobs. They get sucked into the drama and they get swept out with it.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Your a good friend, unless your friend realises it there is not much you can do about it. You put your point forward, if she doesn’t take it don’t feel sad. I’m sure she has her reasons. Instead be there for her when she needs you. One day she will come around.

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  3. Almost all the guys I was with in treatment went back out. Some took days other took weeks. They stopped doing the things which kept them sober. Many of them started hanging out with active users. some, like your old mates there, hung out together and figured they could fix it together, and just relapsed together. Now, I used to get drunken calls, mean texts from some of their wives (I don’t know why), guys threatening me for money, and all sorts of stuff. My sponsor at the time told me to leave the drama. And I did, even though I felt that they “needed me” and I wanted to support them. But my sponsor was right, and it was the best thing for me to do – to leave them in their drama and soiled diapers. I had to make my recovery my priority. Drama doesn’t fit into it. And that is the (unsolicited of course) suggestion I would offer you. I agree with what Jim says and that this stuff won’t “fix” on its own. It will get worse. You say you’re not a “runner”, but this is about your recovery. Protect it. I had to, and that meant walking away from people and their drama.

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