Today I went to a local AA meeting. I can’t say I felt comfortable because I did not know a soul there. It was also a crowded meeting. I still tried to listen and I even shared few thoughts about the dangers of ego. After the meeting I helped to wash dishes and tidy up the room. It was nice that some of the ladies came to me and gave me their phone numbers. Others complimented on my accent which happens all the time when I am around people who do not know my background. I appreciate those compliments very much 🙂
One of the women announced that they are looking for AA volunteers who could help addicted inmates at a nearby prison. Wow, I immediately got interested. I always wanted to support people with mental illnesses and/or addictions. It is probably my biggest passion and future career goal. So I asked this lady about the opportunity. She asked when did I start my recovery process. I told her that I have been sober for almost 3 months. Apparently, I was too young to volunteer for their organization. I admit that her answer hurt me. Recovery is not only about a date or a time period. I still got it. I need more experience or AA involvement, right? But how could they set up a rule like this when I could easily lie about my AA birthday??? These thoughts were running through my mind, but another one started overpowering them: “Am I not good enough???? Based on my education I am fucking qualified!!!” I quickly entered the mindset of a pissed off child who didn’t get the toy she wanted.
When I got home, I realized how arrogant I was even if I didn’t say anything. Funny that the main topic of the meeting was ego. Who cares about my degrees? They set up their own guidelines and I just have to accept it and wait for a different opportunity. Simple as that.
Later, I chatted with my Mom, who basically told me that she did not like the idea of volunteering because she would prefer if I broke up with everything that is related to alcohol… She does not understand the concept of addicted people helping other addicted individuals and that doesn’t involve drinking together. She does not understand the purpose of volunteering because in her mind it is not like a normal job. I just shook my head and sent her the 12. step in Hungarian. She is a good person and I love her. Maybe one day she will understand where I am coming from.
Today I was not antisocial. Today I developed resentments. I have began to work on them.