Wow, I am changing!

I know I am in the early phase of recovery but I am going through awesome changes that motivate me every day. Some of them are..hmmm…unintentional. Other ones are the products of my euphoric will to thrive. Maybe I would not be able to remain sober without these experiences:

– My skin cleared up. I knew that alcoholism affects the skin. Many alcoholics have smaller or bigger reddish spots on their cheeks. In Hungarian, we call it “wine flower”. Huh. I ignored those spots when I first noticed them. Besides, I made myself believe that those are similar to the red spots on my chin that were caused by hormone problems. BS! Last month I discovered something. My spots got paler. Even on my chin. So my cosmetician was wrong about the hormones; however, she had no idea about my disease.

– I eat healthy foods (except for sugar my body craves since it does not get alcohol). More importantly, I WANT to eat. I basically had no appetite in the last three years. Now I savor every bites. Yumm.

– I can sleep. I love the evening ritual of taking care of myself then laying down and think about my day. Okay, I still take half of a sleeping pill but that’s not the point. I used alcohol to find sleep. I have no clue why but without the booze I was almost afraid to go to bed. I am quite sure it was one of the tricks of my addicted mind.

– I exercise which is a huge surprise. I am normally a lazy alcoholic. Not anymore! I lost a lot of weight lately so I am trying to build muscles. I just do it at home because I hate gyms (People watch me, don’t they? Of course not but whatever.).

– I found my hobbies that were lost. I used to sit on the sofa thinking about my misery. Again, not anymore. My hands are ridiculously clumsy; thus, I stick to cooking, dancing, meditating, and making mandalas with an awesome computer program. I want to learn how to draw though. And..and..I am going back to school (No matter how much I drank, I became addicted to studying).

– I am determined. Period.

– I try to handle my random anger. I have bad days when all I want is throwing huge and breakable objects at the wall (or beating up H. without a reason. Poor thing). Instead, I do push-ups.

– I appreciate every moment. I can see the world in a pine needle. A spoonful of soup is a blessing.



6 thoughts on “Wow, I am changing!

  1. Beautifully written! I am glad I found your blog.

    It is so wonderful to have an appetite again. I forget that you needed food to live at some point. I used to trade food calories for drinking, so I usually drank on an empty stomach. Ugh!

    I look forward to hearing about your sober journey.


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