“What was horrible is that I had to find a new family for my precious little bird. She was part of my family for almost 9 years. My heart broke but not only because I had to give her away. Later I became more honest with myself and I had to admit that I was a terrible Mama Bird. As my alcoholism got worse, I became impatient and angry. I often neglected her. I fed her and took her out of the cage; however, I stopped showing love. I know that part of the recovery process is forgiving. Not sure I will ever be able to forgive myself for my ugly behavior toward her. ”
Tonight I miss her very much. I feel terribly guilty. How do I make amends? I know that we can make amends with people or even things and I know it is related to my spiritual growth. I can apologize and accept that the reactions do not really matter. But at least I know that my message arrived and those people understand my words (maybe only the words). It seems strange that I feel the same about my loved ones who passed away. Skye is different. She could not understand why I changed for the worse…she just felt it. That is why she began to scream that further triggered my frustration, so I screamed back at her. I cannot stop seeing those tiny black eyes. She trusted us with her life. I don’t know if she is alive or playing at the Rainbow Bridge. I was drunk when I deleted the lady’s phone number who took her.
Few weeks ago I made a little table ornament out of her feathers (every time she was molting, I collected some of her feathers) and small gemstones. It is not enough. I can hardly look at her photo…
I miss you, Skye.