I miss you, Skye

“What was horrible is that I had to find a new family for my precious little bird. She was part of my family for almost 9 years. My heart broke but not only because I had to give her away. Later I became more honest with myself and I had to admit that I was a terrible Mama Bird. As my alcoholism got worse, I became impatient and angry. I often neglected her. I fed her and took her out of the cage; however, I stopped showing love. I know that part of the recovery process is forgiving. Not sure I will ever be able to forgive myself for my ugly behavior toward her. ”

Tonight I miss her very much. I feel terribly guilty. How do I make amends? I know that we can make amends with people or even things and I know it is related to my spiritual growth. I can apologize and accept that the reactions do not really matter. But at least I know that my message arrived and those people understand my words (maybe only the words). It seems strange that I feel the same about my loved ones who passed away. Skye is different. She could not understand why I changed for the worse…she just felt it. That is why she began to scream that further triggered my frustration, so I screamed back at her. I cannot stop seeing those tiny black eyes. She trusted us with her life. I don’t know if she is alive or playing at the Rainbow Bridge. I was drunk when I deleted the lady’s phone number who took her.

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Few weeks ago I made a little table ornament out of her feathers (every time she was molting, I collected some of her feathers) and small gemstones. It is not enough. I can hardly look at her photo…

I miss you, Skye.

3 thoughts on “I miss you, Skye

  1. I have come to the conclusion that, what we do to or for others, we inflict upon ourselves. The amends process in my humble opinion is the way we heal the damage we caused ourselves. I had never considered how that might work with another creature, that was completely dependent on me for its sustenance and well-being (love) Our animals give so much to us.
    This task is one of practice I think the healing power is within me. If I just let go of my concepts and ideas about what all the words I have been taught, mean. I am whole if you will and what plagues me is something I have added to the equation.

    Liked by 1 person

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