Conversation with myself

This conversation (in different forms) happened many times before and during rehab. My addicted brain raised denial-related questions to avoid change. Sure. I knew the answers…not that it mattered in the beginning.


I am not an alcoholic. I choose to drink…because I like it. Oh and I can stop anytime I want.

You are able to get rid of alcohol from your system. Choose? Want? Those are not option anymore. You have no control.

What about my problems? My problems seem less concerning when I drink.

Haha. Wrong again.You simply numb yourself with alcohol, but your problems are still there and they get worse.

Why do I need to self-medicate myself when others can deal with their issues?

Because you were born like this…

Now that is crap! Just because my counselor said that…

Where do you think he got the information? Ooops, actually you know this answer. You researched it.

I do not want to be labeled as an alcoholic for the rest of my life!

Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. OK the wording can be misunderstood. It is not a label, it means that you will never be able to drink safely again.

And the ones who claim that they became social drinkers or can drink in moderation after a while?

There is a very thin line between abuse and addiction. People who abuse alcohol might achieve this. Alcoholics? No. Sorry. Remember, you researched this as well.

There are alcoholics who still say they could do it.

They say. Miracles happen. Or they are not honest. Does that ring a bell?

Let’s say I start the recovery process. How could I forgive myself for all the crap I did to others? 

Hard stuff. It will probably take sleepless nights and several years but it is possible. We all know that we cannot change the past.

Exactly, so how could those people forgive me? 

Asking for forgiveness is your task; their reaction is not your concern. If you can accept this, you will forgive yourself because you will understand that it is the only way. Call your Creator, she/he/it will be glad to assist you with unconditional love.

So? I always followed spiritual paths…What am I supposed to do???

Shut up and listen! 😉


3 thoughts on “Conversation with myself

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